I don’t exactly know how to write this post. I’ve tried forever to not write this post. I suppose I didn’t want to write it because I knew that it meant things were changing. I’m not good at change, which makes this process all the more difficult. When I first found my passion for photography I had this grand idea that I would be a wedding photographer. I studied all things photography, practiced my craft, went to all the workshops, did everything I could to better myself. All of those things however, require time. When my children were in school I had that time. I had the time to play with my little one alone. I had time to straighten my house up before the kids got home from school. I had time to edit pictures and scour websites. I had more time. Since homeschooling my time has been drastically reduced. I’ve tried to deny that because like I said earlier, I don’t like change. I have desperately tried to maintain the same schedule while at the same time having a completely different life. Plain and simple it’s not working. It has taken me a year to realize that in this season of my life, I can not pursue weddings and cutesy shoots. All of the planning that goes into shoots and editing weddings has now been replaced by lesson planning and teaching.
Instead of putting the kids to bed and drooling over beautiful weddings, I now have to figure out what needs to be in place for the next day. I felt guilty about this for a long time. After all haven’t we all heard the motto,”If you want it bad enough you’ll make the time.” That constantly has ran through my head until I realized I need to find rest in the Lord. I need to stop trying to do things my way and let Him lead our family. Right now He is leading our family on a journey far greater than me being a “wedding photographer”. He has made me a mother, wife, and now teacher. Being their teacher is something far greater than I ever could have imagined but it’s only a success when I give myself and my family over to Him 100%, when I go where He is leading me. He has been using homeschooling to sanctify and refine me. Instead of sending the kids off to school and taking a stroll around Target, I now wake up and actually have breakfast with my kids. WITH them! Not shoving cereal down their throats while rushing them out the door. Instead of blow drying my hair and perfecting my makeup before noon I now sit down with the kids and read about sea monsters and heroes. Instead of spending the afternoon glued to an online course I now bake, play, and craft with my kids.
All of this is far greater than anything I could have planned for my myself or my family. So, while one day I may have that time to invest into being a great wedding photographer, in this season I’m investing in my children. This doesn’t mean I will stop taking photos but just as my life has changed so will my photography and direction of my business. I don’t know where my obedience to the Lord is calling me but I’m excited to find out.
P.S. I’m not normally one for store bought frosting or cake however we botched the recipe and frosting. Thankfully my husband stopped at the store so our afternoon wasn’t a failure. I guess we still have some learning to do. 😉